Suffering doesn't make someone a good person. It’s an experience many endure, but it doesn’t inherently grant virtue or moral superiority. This year, I’ve realized that if people are harsh or reveal their incompatible character early on, I no longer tolerate repeated offenses. I won’t be an outlet for someone’s bitterness, brokenness, or ugliness. I’m not a mule or a fool!
In the past, I often excused their behavior, thinking they were just having a bad day or that I was being overly sensitive. I did this even with people who clearly resented me. Setting boundaries is essential.
Understanding that enduring mistreatment doesn’t sanctify me has been liberating. Being a Black woman of Christian faith, I once believed that assertiveness was anger and a little suffering was good for my character development. This mentality is reinforced from praises of the woman who suffers - the wife that overlooks cheating, the employee who takes work home, and the deaconess who exhaust herself from volunteering at the church.
If we are the children of The Most High, why would we allow peasant treatment? This doesn’t mean we should react pridefully or nasty but confidently showing that I deserve respect. Embracing this perspective has allowed me to set healthy boundaries and focus on relationships that uplift and support my growth.
The Importance of Setting Boundaries
My guiding word this year is "free." I have freed others and myself from unrealistic expectations of saintliness. Setting boundaries and not allowing mistreatment to repeat has been empowering. I’ve learned that no act of kindness can change someone’s ingrained views. If you didn’t do anything for them to dislike you, you can't do anything for them to like you. Embracing my freedom means recognizing my worth and choosing to disengage from those who don’t align with my values or respect my well-being.
How to Recognize and Address Mistreatment
Recognizing emotional abuse can be challenging but is essential for healing. Common signs include constant criticism, isolation from friends and family, manipulation, and withholding affection. For more detailed insights on recognizing emotional abuse, check out this [article from Psychology Today] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-angry-therapist/202307/understanding-emotional-abuse.
Embracing Your Self-Worth
As I walk this path, I invite you to reflect on your own experiences. Are there relationships or situations where you need to assert your freedom? Let’s commit to setting ourselves free from unwarranted suffering and embracing the life we deserve.
Journal Prompt
Grab your journal or electronic device.
Reflect on a relationship or situation where you’ve excused mistreatment, thinking you were being overly sensitive or hoping your kindness could change their views. How did it impact your well-being? What steps can you take to set boundaries and free yourself from this pattern?
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With Heartfelt Ink, Write on!
Phyllis G. Williams
Founder of Thee Art of Me
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